Saturday, May 16, 2015
Why I Ditched 'The List'
I'm not sure where I picked the habit up, probably from all of those sappy teen movies I watched back in the day, but I've always had a running list in my head of what my 'perfect' guy would look like. This list wasn't always documented, although sometimes it was, and I found myself dwelling on it often. My young mind was convinced that no man would work out for me if he didn't perfectly align with the thirty bullet list of specifications I'd already chosen for him.
Some of the things on this list were very non-negotiable. For example, the number one thing on this list was always that the ideal guy for me would be a Christian, and this continues to be true. I wanted a guy who actively dedicated to his live to pursuing our Lord, and who was open about his faith.
Other things weren't as serious, although at the time they probably seemed to be a pretty big deal. He had to be tall, with perfect manners, and an amazing way with kids. He had to be a hard worker, determined, and athletic. He had to be educated/successful, live a farm/country/simple lifestyle, and make me happy. He had to know how to fix things, look killer in a suit, and drive a truck. He had to like/be liked by my family, love dogs, be fun to be around, and easy to talk to. And to round out the list... he had to be independent, honest, and give good hugs.
At the time when I made this list, it seemed very feasible, and I couldn't envision myself with anyone who wasn't the ideal clone of all of these qualities. Until I met my current boyfriend. Ry aligns very closely with a lot of the things on the list, but Ry is not defined by this list. And guess what, guys? I love him anyway.
It still remains that the number one thing on that list is the most important - and Ry definitely loves the Lord. But most of the other stuff? It doesn't even matter. He does have great manners, and is great with kids. He is a hard worker and has an amazing work ethic. He is pursuing an education and I have no doubt in my mind that he will find success in life. But does he live on a farm? No. Not even close. Does he know how to fix things? The things that matter. Like bad days.
It makes me so sad to think that I wasn't looking for this man who turned out to be absolutely perfect for me. And I'm glad that God was able to help me overlook my list of ridiculous requests and appreciate the millions of things he gave Ry that make up the list of qualities I love about him.
So, I encourage you- if you focus on a list, make sure that you're only focusing on the most important things. I pray that God brings you a man who is actively seeking a relationship with the Lord. I pray that he loves you and cherishes you as God has shown us how to love by being an honest man of integrity. And I pray that you are happy with wherever life takes the two of you.
A relationship created in the hearts of humans may be good, but a relationship held in the hands of God is far greater than anything we can plan.